I have a son in 9th grade. We had him tested privately and found him to be 1 to 3 years behind in some of his academic areas. He has been in sped for the last 7 years. We have seen him achievement scores drop each year. I am ready to make substantial sacrifices and put him into a sped ed school. When I ask him how he feels about it, I get mixed feelings from him. He says that he doesn’t like the fact that he is behind some of his peers. I don’t think it really bothers him too much though because he has sophomores, juniors, and seniors in his sped classes because they are all working at the same level. He doesn’t want to leave his present high school where he has been for this year because of his friends. This is the first year that he has made two “friends” at school. (He still doesn’t have any that will call or come over.)
I feel that he should get intensive remediation to bring to grade level where my son says that he wants to be. He though doesn’t seem to want to do the work that it would entail. He appears happy with the “spot” he is in at school because of the small amounts of homework that is required.
I am afraid to push him for the sped school, because he does have an anxiety disorder along with ADD/LD. I am afraid that if I push too hard, his anxiety will get the best of him again like it did before and his symptoms will return.
I am afraid that if I “make” him change schools, he won’t try his hardest. We lost big money (for our family) last year when he went to one of the major tutoring chains. We had talked it over before the testing and signing him up, but then once committed, he started to balk at going and not really doing all that he could in the class times. Last summer we also paid for private testing. We explained the reasons behind wanting to do it. He started out okay, but then would start shutting down during the testing procedures. We had to reschedule the testing many times, and some of it was not completed because he absolutely refused to do it.
These are the reasons why I am afraid to just go ahead and make him go to the school. The reason why I am afraid not to is because …I listened to the “experts” at the school for 7 years, did all that they said without questioning, allowed them basically freehand with my son, and believed everything that they said and my son is now academically 1 to 3 years behind. I try to make my son see that a good education is the foundation to a good job and how could he get one without the good education?
Re: how hard to push
Hi, I know how you must feel. I work in the UK with kids with severe dyslexia who are taken from their schools and friends to the resource based mainstream school where they have specialised language teaching and are supported with literacy in mainstream classes(my job). Some have settled and are progressing but some are desperately unhappy and miss their friends who had grown up with them and accepted them the way they are, and they are now struggling to fit in and getting into trouble.
My daughter had the opposite problem, was really bright and hyperactive because she was bored, was moved up a school year and did her GCSE’s a year early (did very well too)but has now become disaffected and left school. We did her no favours, and some of these kids I work with would have been better left with their friends. I believe a child’s happiness is more important then academic qualifications, even though we did what we thought was best, it nearly destroyed my lovely daughter, who even now has problems with depression, drinks too much and finds life miserable most of the time. She’s 16.
You have a difficult choice to make, I hope this helps. Good luck.
Alyson.
Re: how hard to push
Your hesitations are understandable considering your previous experiences and with what your son is feeling about his present school. You could take the intermediate steps and have him visit what would be his new school. See how he feels about his visiting day and the students and teachers he meets. My own school once had hesitations about switching from a school he very much liked but his visiting day at the new school easily convinced him that he would be going to something better.
If it turns out that your remains at his present school, please know that testing is a relative thing. Deeming your son 1 to 3 years behind can mean many things and the best of students can do poorly on the standardized tests that achievement tests are. What is and is not grade level varies from school to school so you would want to be sure not to get caught up in that smoke and mirrors act when you go to your new school and suddenly they tell you he’s on grade level but nothing’s really changed.
It also deserves to be considered that since he was not really interested in the testing, the results may not reflect his true abilities. For the money that a private spec. ed will cost, you might be want be looking for an all round more exclusive environment rather than improvement in skills cause that’s what you’d be paying for.
I don’t think I’d push him into the sped school. For one thing, sped schools aren’t always a whole lot better than other schools. For another, the transition could generate a lot of stress. The teen years are already stressful, LD’s are stressful, and changing schools would just pile on more stress.
Instead, I would suggest putting him through a program such as PACE (http://www.learninginfo.com) this summer. PACE requires work, but it’s a lot more fun than the standard drill-and-grill tutoring chains. Your biggest problem at this point would be enlisting his cooperation. The good thing about PACE is that kids can usually see the improvements for themselves by the 6th week or so, which boosts their motivation to work. However, he has to be willing to put in the work for that first 6 weeks. Since you would likely be the one doing his homework with him (homework practice requires one-on-one work with an adult, usually the parent), at least he would see that you are putting in the hours with him.
Academic remediation goes much faster when underlying problems are addressed first. This is what PACE attempts to do.
Mary