I need to vent some feelings about my son’s ADHD as well as mine. Tomorrow I have an IEP meeting to modify my son’s speech IEP and I’m so nervous. Everytime I sit in one of those meetings I feel so stupid. They just treat me like an over achieving parent. My son is getting decent grades and so they don’t think his ADHD impacts him enough for special ed. Heck they don’t even think he has ADHD since it’s the inattentive kind and he doesn’t act out. He’s well behaved at school. They should see what I have to deal with at home.I feel so desparate because I’ve seen the impact of ADHD on my family. Growing up with 6 siblings, I’d say more than half of us were ADHD of some type. No one was diagnosed back then, but knowing what I know now, I can pretty much point out who inherited this disorder. I’ve seen how my brother was teased by his 2 older brothers who weren’t ADHD. They always called him “retard”. He struggled in school and stayed back in 6th grade. Well 30 years later he is an alcoholic who has changed careers so many times and has created so much chaos and turmoil in his family because of his impulsiveness that has gotten him in trouble with the law. He had tried to commit suicide and suffers from depression. And to make matters worse our brothers have gone on to successful careers in law and computer field. My 2 sisters and I are typical ADHD inattentive. We’ve all suffered low self esteem, depression, addictions and unsatisfying career choices too. I have 6 nieces/nephews who are ADHD and 3 of them never graduated high school.SO tomorrow when I’m grilled again about why my son needs so many accommodations in his IEP, when he “obviously” isn’t affected by it, I’m going to remember my brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. We all did well in school until it got hard in junior high and high school. I’m going to stand firm in my conviction that they will eventually see an impact. And I will do my best to try to articulate his needs in an intelligent and unemotional way. This is the hardest part of it all. I have my own deficits. I have a hard time explaining things, sequencing, organization. I’ve made such a fool of myself at various meetings. I’m sure all those Phd. child psychologists and speech pathologists had a good laugh on me. But that will be a small price if my son gets the services and accommodations he needs to succeed now and in the future.Jackie
Re: The impact of ADHD in my family
: I need to vent some feelings about my son’s ADHD as well as mine.
: Tomorrow I have an IEP meeting to modify my son’s speech IEP and
: I’m so nervous. Everytime I sit in one of those meetings I feel so
: stupid. They just treat me like an over achieving parent. My son
: is getting decent grades and so they don’t think his ADHD impacts
: him enough for special ed. Heck they don’t even think he has ADHD
: since it’s the inattentive kind and he doesn’t act out. He’s well
: behaved at school. They should see what I have to deal with at
: home.: I feel so desparate because I’ve seen the impact of ADHD on my
: family. Growing up with 6 siblings, I’d say more than half of us
: were ADHD of some type. No one was diagnosed back then, but
: knowing what I know now, I can pretty much point out who inherited
: this disorder. I’ve seen how my brother was teased by his 2 older
: brothers who weren’t ADHD. They always called him
: “retard”. He struggled in school and stayed back in 6th
: grade. Well 30 years later he is an alcoholic who has changed
: careers so many times and has created so much chaos and turmoil in
: his family because of his impulsiveness that has gotten him in
: trouble with the law. He had tried to commit suicide and suffers
: from depression. And to make matters worse our brothers have gone
: on to successful careers in law and computer field. My 2 sisters
: and I are typical ADHD inattentive. We’ve all suffered low self
: esteem, depression, addictions and unsatisfying career choices
: too. I have 6 nieces/nephews who are ADHD and 3 of them never
: graduated high school.: SO tomorrow when I’m grilled again about why my son needs so many
: accommodations in his IEP, when he “obviously” isn’t
: affected by it, I’m going to remember my brothers, sisters, nieces
: and nephews. We all did well in school until it got hard in junior
: high and high school. I’m going to stand firm in my conviction
: that they will eventually see an impact. And I will do my best to
: try to articulate his needs in an intelligent and unemotional way.
: This is the hardest part of it all. I have my own deficits. I have
: a hard time explaining things, sequencing, organization. I’ve made
: such a fool of myself at various meetings. I’m sure all those Phd.
: child psychologists and speech pathologists had a good laugh on
: me. But that will be a small price if my son gets the services and
: accommodations he needs to succeed now and in the future.: JackieJackie, Just remember that of all the people in that meeting you know your son best and you are the only one who is looking out for his best interests in both the short-term and long-term. Be sure to get all info and test results in writing first so you can look at the info the person is discussing. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about terms you don’t understand. Terms such as receptive and expressive language and phonology are second nature to a speech-language pathologist but not to others. Many areas have organizations to assist parents of special needs children by providing support groups, classes on parents’ rights and advocates who will accompany you to meetings. You may find something in your area. At least take a relative or friend with you. Have you ever been to a CHADD meeting? These are frequently good support groups.
What I loved the most about my son’s Identification meeting was when they totally circumvented my discussion about his Visual Processing Problem by telling me what a wonderful job I have done, and how his meds work so well that only his “primary” teacher knows that he has ADHD.This strategy worked so well that I never even realized that they basically blew me off. We did get a 504 plan that I won’t use because it allows him to use ADHD as an excuse to not do his homework, and we got a OT evaluation that again blew me off.I teach for my school district and now understand why almost half of the parents do not come to their children’s IEP’s. I always had criticized these parents for a lack of interest, but having experienced this for myself, I can understand why the parents stay away!!!!Maybe a nicely worded letter to the CST explaining exactly what you have said here would be a good start.