My son is becoming prejudice`

: You’re asking two questions here. One is fairly easy. Your son is telling you he doesn’t want to go to camp. Have you asked the pointed question of how come you don’t want to go when you had such a good time? I’d need to know the answer to that question before commmenting further on the camp question. As a rule, I wouldn’t send my kids anywhere in the summer where they told me they absolutely didn’t want to do. Needing a break is understandable but I’d look hard for other options that don’t have him getting upset or work hard toward helping with the feelings he has about going away and see if his reluctance can be ministered to.On his rising prejudice, well, that’s a hard question. You might ask him how he’d feel if he heard someone talking about his sister the way he talks about his former campmates? Would he like that? Would he agree that all Asian Americans are the same?You could - as did my own father - make it clear in no uncertain terms that such prejeduce is acceptable in your house and you see it based on ignorance and as my dear dad said, “We are not ignorant people.”You could also ask questions about why anyone would condemn an entire group of people based on one week’s experience with them. Is his dislike based on the fact that they were much better than he at basketball? Have you asked him that?If he comes from a town with no diversity, and thinks he’s a pretty good basketball player, he might have had a rude reality check when he met up with inner city kids who spend their lives playing hoops at the corner playground.Does he hate them or does he hate the end of a dream that saw him - and his friends- as the next Lakers team? It’s hard for a teenage boy to accept those kind of things graciously.And unless this camp did something very different that many other sports camps, it may have used the negative feelings between the boys as a motivator during games. It may have fostered the growing sense of difference between the boys and used it to fuel the competition in the games. Unless the camp has the stated purpose of helping the group sto learn to work together and support each other, it may have been quite a free-for-all and your son may just be echoing the things he heard other kids say at the camp.Good luck with both issues.I realize that my 10 year old son is oversensitive but I’m becoming
: concerned with his negative feelings towards african americans. He
: went to overnight basketball camp last summer. The camp had about
: 200 kids and half were african american and many were from the
: city. I thought great, this will expose him to diversity which he
: doesn’t get in our small country caucasion town.: Well ever since he went he has strong negative attitudes towards
: african americans. I’ll admit that these kids were aggressive,
: rude, and just plain different from him. However, he describes
: them in ugly, hateful terms. No matter what I say, no matter how
: much I empathize that he had a bad experience, no matter how much
: I tell him that not all AA are like those kids, he doesn’t care.
: He still hates them. I’ve painstakenly tried to raise him tolerant
: of different races. My upbringing was in a racist family and I
: didn’t want him exposed to this. We have an adopted asian toddler
: which he loves (most of the time), yet I fear that his racist
: attitudes will one day hurt her as she becomes more aware of
: racism and her being different from us.: Anyway, any ideas? Do you think a kid without ADD would be as
: “traumatized” spending a week with a group of children
: that were different. Should I just get tough with him. He may stop
: saying hateful things but I don’t think he’ll stop thinking that
: way. I guess I should find AA families and get to know them but
: that’s not so easy to do in my part of the state.: Unfortunately, we had signed him up for a week of camp at another
: camp last summer. Since he had such a bad experience he was so
: fearful of going. He cried, and pleaded with us up until the time
: we left and for the hour after. I new this camp would provide a
: different experience and I was right. He had a great time.
: However, it’s time to sign up again for next summer and he doesn’t
: want to go. He is panicking about it once again. I don’t know if I
: should once again puch him to go. As you know, summer is extremely
: difficult when you have an ADD child. I really need that week of
: him at camp for my own mental sanity. Should I still send him
: knowing that he will have good time once he gets there? Or am I a
: bad parent putting my needs before him? Jackie

PASSWORD>aaypjoGdHk2QkIt sounds like something pretty bad happened at camp and these African American boys could have been the perpetrators.I absolutely would not send your son to camp if he is so opposed to it. Another option for you could be day camp. My son used to get picked up at 8:30 AM and didn’t come home until 5 PM. He was home every evening and on weekends, but it still gave me a break. And that way, if something negative happens, you can take care of it the very next day.With regard to his prejudice, if he suffered at the hands of these boys and he is on 10 years old, it’s not a far leap for him to blame all African American kids. The best thing you can do is restate your position on prejudice every time he says something about it. It may take him a while to realize that some people of a particular ethnic group may be nasty, but it doesn’t mean all of them are.I don’t think this has to do with being ADHD. I think it’s a normal reaction from a 10 year old boy who was treated poorly.: I realize that my 10 year old son is oversensitive but I’m becoming
: concerned with his negative feelings towards african americans. He
: went to overnight basketball camp last summer. The camp had about
: 200 kids and half were african american and many were from the
: city. I thought great, this will expose him to diversity which he
: doesn’t get in our small country caucasion town.: Well ever since he went he has strong negative attitudes towards
: african americans. I’ll admit that these kids were aggressive,
: rude, and just plain different from him. However, he describes
: them in ugly, hateful terms. No matter what I say, no matter how
: much I empathize that he had a bad experience, no matter how much
: I tell him that not all AA are like those kids, he doesn’t care.
: He still hates them. I’ve painstakenly tried to raise him tolerant
: of different races. My upbringing was in a racist family and I
: didn’t want him exposed to this. We have an adopted asian toddler
: which he loves (most of the time), yet I fear that his racist
: attitudes will one day hurt her as she becomes more aware of
: racism and her being different from us.: Anyway, any ideas? Do you think a kid without ADD would be as
: “traumatized” spending a week with a group of children
: that were different. Should I just get tough with him. He may stop
: saying hateful things but I don’t think he’ll stop thinking that
: way. I guess I should find AA families and get to know them but
: that’s not so easy to do in my part of the state.: Unfortunately, we had signed him up for a week of camp at another
: camp last summer. Since he had such a bad experience he was so
: fearful of going. He cried, and pleaded with us up until the time
: we left and for the hour after. I new this camp would provide a
: different experience and I was right. He had a great time.
: However, it’s time to sign up again for next summer and he doesn’t
: want to go. He is panicking about it once again. I don’t know if I
: should once again puch him to go. As you know, summer is extremely
: difficult when you have an ADD child. I really need that week of
: him at camp for my own mental sanity. Should I still send him
: knowing that he will have good time once he gets there? Or am I a
: bad parent putting my needs before him? Jackie

Hi Jackie, It’s wonderful that you are concerned about the attitudes your son is forming. You might help your son to think about, and talk about the kinds of neighborhoods the kids he met live in. If these kids are from the inner city as you said, they are likely to be VERY poor, to have few good role models, and may live every day of their lives in a stressful and dangerous environment. There are probably few resources available for them in their homes or schools, and some are undoubtedly accustomed to fighting over what they do get, and even stealing. There may not be anyone to teach them the difference between right and wrong, as the inner city is a place where drugs, gangs and prostitution are rampant. The parents may have little or no education.The issue, however, is not race. It is social class. These kids are part of the “under class.” Individuals of any race can be poorly socialized and grow up unnurtured. Parents with poor educations have few choices in where they live, and their kids are at risk of developing the kinds of behaviors your son found so frightening. This is partly because they see it in their peers, even when their own parents may try to help them follow a better path. Good luck in helping your son reconsider his bad experience from a different perspective. JJ: I realize that my 10 year old son is oversensitive but I’m becoming
: concerned with his negative feelings towards african americans. He
: went to overnight basketball camp last summer. The camp had about
: 200 kids and half were african american and many were from the
: city. I thought great, this will expose him to diversity which he
: doesn’t get in our small country caucasion town.: Well ever since he went he has strong negative attitudes towards
: african americans. I’ll admit that these kids were aggressive,
: rude, and just plain different from him. However, he describes
: them in ugly, hateful terms. No matter what I say, no matter how
: much I empathize that he had a bad experience, no matter how much
: I tell him that not all AA are like those kids, he doesn’t care.
: He still hates them. I’ve painstakenly tried to raise him tolerant
: of different races. My upbringing was in a racist family and I
: didn’t want him exposed to this. We have an adopted asian toddler
: which he loves (most of the time), yet I fear that his racist
: attitudes will one day hurt her as she becomes more aware of
: racism and her being different from us.: Anyway, any ideas? Do you think a kid without ADD would be as
: “traumatized” spending a week with a group of children
: that were different. Should I just get tough with him. He may stop
: saying hateful things but I don’t think he’ll stop thinking that
: way. I guess I should find AA families and get to know them but
: that’s not so easy to do in my part of the state.: Unfortunately, we had signed him up for a week of camp at another
: camp last summer. Since he had such a bad experience he was so
: fearful of going. He cried, and pleaded with us up until the time
: we left and for the hour after. I new this camp would provide a
: different experience and I was right. He had a great time.
: However, it’s time to sign up again for next summer and he doesn’t
: want to go. He is panicking about it once again. I don’t know if I
: should once again puch him to go. As you know, summer is extremely
: difficult when you have an ADD child. I really need that week of
: him at camp for my own mental sanity. Should I still send him
: knowing that he will have good time once he gets there? Or am I a
: bad parent putting my needs before him? Jackie