I recently found out that my 10 year old son has NLD. In trying to find “support groups” online I haven’t had much luck- hopefully I can get some advice and maybe give some support to others here.
He will be 11 next month and I’m not sure if his attitude/mood lately has been due to his NLD, his anxiety/depression, or just pre-pubescence. Or maybe a combo of all of the above?
No one I know has heard of NLD. There isn’t really anyone I can “talk” to about what he is going through or what I’m going through in trying to be a good parent to him. He’s been angry- that’s the easiest way to describe it. On the weekends he likes to “relax” he says. Doesn’t really want to leave the house (unless the rare occasion a friend shows up to play). He gets really bent out of shape in having to leave. I try to give him a good amount of notice that we need to {go grocery shopping, go to Grandma’s, go to therapy-do anything}. I try to ease him into the transition of having to leave but he gets SO mad. He is down right nasty to me. Harsh with words. He slams things around, tries to make everyone around him miserable. I’m tired and I don’t know what to do about it.
Anyone else familiar with NLD and experience like this?
THanks
Hello there and welcome to the world of NLD. I actually have it and didn’t know until I was an adult after finding my dream career impossible (long story).
My guess is that his emotions are a combination of all 3 puberty, NLD, and the effects of living with it. The anxiety and depression are likely related to the NLD. One effect can be what they call emotional lability, or an overreaction to normal events or simple requests. He’s NOT intentionally making people around him miserable, and while it may have something to do with the transitions, it may not. It may just be his way of reacting on a neurological level. This should improve as he gets older and you can ask his professionals about emotional/self-regulation skills. Any combination of the 3 could also be affecting his sleep, which can cause it’s own set of problems if he doesn’t get a chance to catch up on the weekends.
Speaking only from my own experience, school with NLD is exhausting on every level. We have to work so much harder just to barely get by academically. Combine that with the anxiety, sometimes depression(with all it’s possible effects), what feels like constant criticism (real, imagined, or exaggerated by the disorder), issues with social interaction, possibly sensory interference, and by the time you get through even one day you’re just done, and you still have homework which can be a nightmare in it’s own right. Then my anxiety used to keep me up at night worried about the next day, and the depression made it even harder to get out of bed and face days like that, especially since I’d just been through one and had as many as 4 more to go before finally getting a break. 5 days in a row of that, and by the weekend all you want to do is relax, probably doing literally nothing, focus on something fun without being forced to go somewhere you don’t want to be and exert more energy dealing with all that that entails, even thinking of having to do anything can prove too much. If you’re “forced” I’ve been known to lash out too. As an adult, you have more control over how much you do and when, but as a kid, you don’t always.
When you have things scheduled in advance, tell him as soon as possible! Personally, I like at least 2 days notice for things that aren’t regularly scheduled and the day before I will ask what time we need to leave the next day so I can plan accordingly. For events that are regularly scheduled (daily or weekly), like therapy, once he’s used to them, they become part of his routine and it should be less of a problem.
Feel free to ask me anything about it you want to. I can only speak from my own experience, but you may find it helpful.