? for PattiM and others about inattention...

[quote=”KarenN”]In addition to the inattention, the one other issue I am trying to sort out with my son is how to help him be less rigid in his interpretation of certain social interactions. Its not a severe problem, but he is sometimes misunderstood, or misunderstands what is going on.

It occurs to me that maybe some of the confusion for him comes from not being able to process all the verbal and nonverbal information quickly enough . And he gets anxious with people he doesn’t know well.

Do you have any thoughts on how medicating an inattentive child might help their social skills? Any antecdotal info. on this? thanks![/quote]

Have you looked into Non Verbal Learning Disorder? It could look like ADD. One of the key symptoms of NVLD/NLD is misreading social cues. They normally have much higher Verbal IQ scores than Performance IQ scores.

Check out these sites there’s more about NLD

www.nldontheweb.org/about_nld.htm
www.nldline.com
www.tonyattwood.com.au

Oh yes, he definitely has NVLD qualities. But not to the degree that most NVLD kids have them. I found that when I visited NVLD chat rooms the issues those parents are facing just didn’t apply for us. Academically he looks dyslexic (poor decoding, excellent comprehension) and he is also quite strong in math. So its not a dx that fits him that well, but then again, none of them fit him. And its not uncommon for dyslexic children to have trouble reading social cues as well.

How is it he’s reacting? Is he getting his feelings hurt too easily? Is he withdrawing? Does he get angry easily?

My son does okay socially-he is VERY shy and timid but well liked and can fit it. His teachers have commented that they are a little surprised he is picked for teams as easily as he is and that there is not evidence of teasing;he’s quiet, skinny, and has glaring speech issues.

But he certainly will never make the first move socially. If a neighborhood child comes over to play video games, great, but NO WAY will he go to the other home and initiate play. I dont worry because my oldest is the same way and ……well, so am I ;(

So I was curious if you were talking about a shyness thing, or inappropriate anger, etc

I know my son can take words way too literally when reading; I’ve not seen him do it socially, but I can see it happening. Is he misreading “I could have killed my brother…” or puzzling over “my mom really blew her stack”?

Another story.

My oldest is 18 and, while not dx’d, I wonder more and more if he too is ADD. One thing I remember about him is that many kids liked him in elementary school but he just didnt notice

I picked him up a few minutes early one day(normally he rode the bus)As we went to the doors, several kids his age were in the halls. All smiled and greeted him by name. My son did not respond.

Well, when we got into the car, I proceeded him to scold him for being rude by not answering those children. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and said “what kids in the hall?”

Your older one sounds like my son. He often fails to greet kids appropriately and eventually I think that leads to him being ignored. He’s not a victim of teasing, he’s just not a part of the main crowd. He does , thank god, have several really good friends. I see his deficits more in group scenarios. I think maybe there is too much happening for him to put it all together and jump in. He’s a slow processor. And there is some social anxiety in new situations.

Bump. Great thread. Didn’t want to see it get buried by Troll-activity.

Just wanted to say that my daughter, age 13, has always done the ignore kid thing too. Just in the last year she has improved and become friendlier. (we have coached her since forever about it too). I remember very vividly her at age 4 in a cooperative nursery school (so I was the helping parent) totally not getting that this little girl was trying to become friends with her.

I know in nursery school the teacher told me she would never be one of the popular crowd because she was too task oriented and didn’t pay enough attention to the crowd. And she was right. She has a few close friends and never has seemed to get the social landscape.

She certainly isn’t ADD so I am not sure that this behavior in itself is anything more than normal variation.

Now my ADHD like youngest son told me that if he invited Brian to his birthday party, he needed to invite Lizzy. And Lizzy was friends with so and so. He had everything figured out at age 6. I was amazed—neither of my other kids had a clue.

On the other hand, Karen, I do remember watching Misunderstood Minds on PBS and that meds seemed to really improve things socially for the one girl on the show. Same symptoms—different causes, I would suspect.

Beth

My daughter (1st grade, just turned 7—ad/hd inattentive) has the opposite problem that some of you have posted here. She has always come on way too strong in trying to make friends. Even as a toddler she sometimes scared off the other kids. She also would become irritable and upset when other kids didn’t do what she wanted. She would react with anger or some other similar behavior. Last year her teacher told me that some of the kids didn’t know how to handle her “enthusiasm” and it was starting to be a social problem. The other kids were pointing out her behavior and not wanting to be friends. This year has been better. I did find that when she started meds that there was a difference. At first she was more upset by interactions with other kids that were not as positive as she wanted. But, in a meeting with the school team they felt that it was a result of her needing to learn social cues better. She missed a lot we didn’t know about. I can say that now that it’s been a few months she does seem to be getting along better socially. There are still little conflicts from here to there but she has more solid school friendships and seems to be less irritable. Don’t know if any of this helps!

My 18 year old son who was diagnosed ADD-Inattentive at 14 years of age…also has trouble reading social cues and with initiation of coversation….However….once he gets talking he never stops, he over analyzes everything and doesn’t pick up when the other kids are bored out of their gourd. He wishes he could be naturally social like his 15 year old sister who is also ADD but has tons of friends…

What I do is spend a lot of time talking with my son about pragmatics, role playing situations with him. He still hangs back in crowds but he is getting better. I get him to make phone calls, go out to the movies, take a dance class…. he uses IM a lot and that has helped him with conversations, but he still has problems in person…I told him…people can’t read your mind…you have to talk to them but you also need to be a good listener and not act like a know it all….

The social problems really surface when he is OFF MEDS as…he can’t stop talking about what HE wants to talk about…When he is on his meds, he can reciprocate and attend and listen with conversational partners much better.

JenM, I know what you mean about the “enthusiasm” that your daughter’s teacher mentioned. She’ll have a great creative play idea and no one will be interested. She doesn’t know when to quit trying to “sell” her game to everyone. Terry