a poll of sorts...

May we know what the info will be used for? Just curious.

My 9-year-old son has not been bullied. He’s not the victim type. Nor does he bully others. He’s not the bully type either.

Since this hasn’t been an issue for us I’m not sure what the schools’ policy is in reality, but in writing, they are, of course, against it.

LL

OK, Dad, I’ll go first, since it’s obvious from most of my postings that we are having a serious bullying problem at our school.

I would say that, in the big picture, approximately 40% of my child’s problems stem from being bullied. During this particular year, however, I would up that to 75%.

“How big of an issue is bullying in your child’s life?”

Neither of my daughters wants to go to school at all anymore. They dread it. My oldest is picked on in a variety of ways, every single day, from both the boys AND the girls in her school. She comes home from school despondent, every day. Then she will finally tell me what happened (that day) later in the evening.

My little one used to love school, but not anymore.

My oldest is currently seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety. We started her therapy back in February. It was not something that was going on prior to this year.

“Does your school/district adequately appreciate and respond to bullying?”

No. They ignore the issue completely. They do not know how to deal with it, do not wish to implement anti-bullying programs, and are hoping it will *go away* by itself. They don’t want anyone to know about it, either, because enrollment at our school (a private Catholic school) is way up for next year.

Case in point. A 5th grade girl (not my daughter) was verbally tormented on Friday of last week, enough to be driven to tears, and then one of the boys kicked her hard several times at the end of the day. My daughter told her teacher right after the incident, who said she would “take care of it”. Turns out, this boy didn’t get a detention or ANYTHING.

“Would your child be less trouble at school if he/she were not subject to bullying?”

I wouldn’t say either of my daughters are *trouble* at school at all. Quite the opposite. Their teachers commend them for their good behavior, and they get good grades in everything, including behavior. (Home is a completely different scenario altogether, of course.) I have to prod them to even report the bullying to the teachers, who NEVER SEE ANYTHING, and subsequently, never do anything about it.

“What grade is your child?”

The oldest is in the 5th grade, age 10, and the youngest is in the 3rd grade, age 8.

How big of an issue is bullying in your child’s life?

6th grade/12 yo
Believe it or not since my daughter is no longer in the gifted classes it has been easier. I would have to say at this point 15% but has been much higher in the past.

1st grade/7 yo
Not an issue though this child appears outwardly a lot tougher

Does your school/district adequatley appreciate and respond to bullying?

They have a program they teach called Safe, Strong, and Free and also a character education class where they address bullying. I don’t know that they appreciate the extent that it still goes on. In fact, a few years ago they did not. I don’t think they are purposely unaware, just clueless. When a situation is brought to their attention they handle it okay, again depending on the school. However, as an educator myself I never see it happening in my school or classroom but I’m sure it does. I think bullies are very clever and know how to not get caught.

Would your child be less trouble at school if he/she were not subject to bullying?

Previously, yes. She has gotten herself into some incidents where she could have gotten into a lot of trouble herself. Like a fight on the bus when another girl spit on her. She’s also been hit in the face at school. Once she hit a boy who was bullying other kids and her and he roughed her up pretty good. There are still minor incidents but she is in a different school now.

What grade is your child?
6th and 1st

How big of an issue is bullying in your child’s life?

It was a very big issue in one school from Grades 1 to 3

Does your school/district adequatley appreciate and respond to bullying?

You must be kidding. The reason it was an issue is that the school was in complete denial; they had a wonderful “program” and all the kids had been turned into angels.

Would your child be less trouble at school if he/she were not subject to bullying?

Never any trouble at all at school. The trouble came in the mornings when she very much wanted to go to school but wouldn’t actually move.

What grade is your child?

These issues happened some time ago. Grades 1 to 3. She is now 21 and there are still repercussions from all the tension during those years.

If you would please put a guestimated percentage at the top of your reply (i.e. xx% of my child’s problems come from being bullied).

Say 30%. Another 30% from teacher mismatch and a program that didn’t fit and and then some probably from me too.

To my knowledge, the 12 yr old has not been bullied

My now 16 and 19 year old boys were however.

The oldest’s time was in grades 5 and 6 and the middle son in 5th-8th.

Neither of them were problems at school at that age. I think they hid it well and rolled with the punches(no pun intended)

The school’s stance on bullying was that popular kids with popular parents were allowed to do it-period, end of discussion! This included teachers kids BTW.

I think my middle son took a tremendous blow to his self confidence which has yet to come back(we’ve moved states and things here are much better-;the school bends over backwards to keep order and does not demonstrate the preferential treatment I saw in our old area)

Its not just the bullying itself that is damaging IMO.

I think kids CAN dismiss some bullying as “hes just a jacka… kid”

But adults not stepping in to stop it when they KNOW its going on-thats a deep betrayal. I believe that was where the damage was done with my son. Apparently grownups didnt feel he was important enough to protect. Apparently adults thought he was inferior to those other kids and deserved it. And if adults thought that………

5th anniversary of Columbine-seems like yesterday! So much talk about not understanding how anyone could do that??

I talked with a few parents in private about how we UNDERSTOOD exactly how it had happened

NOT THAT it was in any way shape or form justified, but we knew from out kids’ expereinces that WHY wasnt the big mystery the media was making it out to be

Most people just won’t face it-bullying isnt always happening by the faces they want to see

a %? For my oldest I’d say 10%, but the middle kid-30-40 of his self worth issues

A fair amount of bullying when our son was in elementary school. He came home with bruises. The principal refused to help him because he could not name the kid(s) doing it. His ld difficulty with names was well known since kindergarten. There was some bullying in middle school and again the administrator wanted to blame our son. I refused to let him be interviewed by an administrator until he had time to calm down and until one of his parents was present. We have sent him to a private high school partly because we feared the bullying at a large high school would be beyond our control. He is now over 6’5” and not many try to bully this very large boy!

bullying- now in 7th grade none but 4th grade was hell on wheels. I actually preferred the physical to the agony of the constant emotional verbal abuse. I can hardly believe I’ve written tath statement but it is true. We recovered from the physical abuse much quicker.

It took two years to recover emotionally and then its not 100%.

There is still the 7th grade girl cliche thing but not the nightmare bullying. Interesting you mention Columbine. Salon.com is running a feature on Columbine. There is lots of evidence that the boys involved were trouble well before the event. But nobody wants to deal with the entitled kids of the middle class. If you read the information from Michael Thompson he also points to the culture of entitlement at the root of the problem. I think bullying has increased directly resulting from the increase of the kid-who-can-do-anything-he-wants-backed-by-the-parents syndrome. Parents on this board are involved with their kids and have faced some tough realities. Many parents prefer denial and everything is someone else’s responsibilty.

Catherine, in my experience, bullying was worse and far more destructive to my daughter’s self-esteem than the LDs, the ADD.

Is there anyway you can enlist the support of other parents? the PTA? At one point you were going to consult the parish priest. did you?

xxxx

How big of an issue is bullying in your child’s life?

VERY BIG.

Does your school/district adequatley appreciate and respond to bullying?

They do nothing, see nothing.

Would your child be less trouble at school if he/she were not subject to bullying.

She’s no trouble at school. She gets good grades, and her conduct is not an issue, according to her teachers. But the trouble keeps following her. The bullies, and there are quite a few of them.

What grade is your child?

6th grade.

If you would please put a guestimated percentage at the top of your reply (i.e. xx% of my child’s problems come from being bullied).

60%

Hi Dad. I would say that my 7 year old, 2nd grader has issues with bullying 60% of the time that there is a problem. I feel like bullying is a huge problem at his school and in this particular instance is compounded by racial issues. The school is 25% Asian, 25% Hispanic, 25% Black and 25% white. Tucker has had 3 seperate bullyings take place with groups of different cultures. my little blue eyed, blonde boy is ill equipped to handle these situations as race has never been an issue at home. The school polocies in my eyes do nothing to circumvent this. If you are a child and are bullyed and react in ANY WAY you recieve punishment as well as the bullys. If you are a child with impulse control issues….well you can imagine the problems that can insue. Tucker works very hard to act appropriately in school and I would say that his “trouble with trouble ” would all but disappear if the teasing, name calling and intimidation by other students was stopped. I struggle on a daily basis with wether to pull him from public school or not. He doesn’t feel safe and to tell you the truth neither do I.

Just to give some contrast.

My kids are in a Catholic school where bullying is not tolerated. One girl in my daughter’s class left the school because her parents got tired of the calls from the principal’s office. She was a ring leader of bullying and other parents complained repeatedly.

We have had, as a result, very minor issues—none of which have required our intervention.

I got a call from my son’s teacher because he and another boy were picking on a girl. She is clearly LD (as is my son—but not as obviously on meeting).

I was not pleased that my son was involved but impressed that there was such zero tolerance.

Beth

My son is in 7th grade and was teased a great deal earlier this year. He was distraught and acted out at home. His teachers intervened decisively and skillfully. Two girls were the perpetrators. One of them has had lots of problems this year and is supervised very consistently by teachers/administrators. The other girl has improved her behavior dramatically since a teacher intervened, and she and my son are actually getting along now!

How adults in charge handle these situations is critical!

Linda W.

Linda, Beth, the problems many of us are talking about here come about when alas the adults are *not* in charge. When I was in the DC area, I read several news articles about education and life in the area, and the question kept coming back to me “Where are the grown-ups???” When the people who should be adults have abdicated all responsibility, then you and your child have to deal with gang rule and chaos. The problem spreads over both Catholic and public schools, depending on the philosophy of the people who are supposed to be in charge.

Victoria,

I completely agree….I just wanted to point out that it isn’t all bleak.
And I know being Catholic doesn’t necessarily mean it is emotionally safe—but the Catholic tradition does give the administration and teachers another way to frame being kind that public schools don’t have. We found it to be a world apart from the public school my kids used to attend.
But I know there are many public schools also where administrators and teachers have made a decision that bullying is not tolerated.

Beth