My son is an above average student in 3rd grade. He is a gifted student in the non-verbal area. He is a perfectionist and gets easily frustrated when learning new topics in math. He can lose his temper and if a concept is difficult for him to understand, he threatens to tear up his paper. His teacher encourages him to write a note to her when he feels frustrated if she isn’t able to handle the situation at the time. I work in his school and it helps him to receive reassurance from me. My husband and I have explained to him many times that we don’t expect him to be perfect, and that it is ok to mess up. A couple of times he has brought homework home and has blown up at me without letting me explain things to him. I’m a special ed. teacher. Once he has chances to practice the skill he can catch on. He isn’t patient at all and expects to learn things immediately and perfectly the first time. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!
Re: anger management
Hi Debbie,I have a nonverbal learning disability, which presents me with a “package” of abilities and disabilities similar to what you’ve described in your son…great verbal skills coupled with great, almost excruciating difficulty in math. When I was learning about my own LD in math, my psychologist explained it to me this way: “You’re flying along way up in the sky, having a great time soaring and gliding. It (learning) is fun and easy. All of a sudden, you SLAM into a brick wall…and you didn’t even see it coming.”My psychologist was so right in his description! That’s what having this kind of LD can feel like. Another way to think of it is that in some classes your son may be the “smartest kid in class” when one kind of information is being presented, and in a heartbeat find himself feeling like the least able kid on the planet. Going from “getting it” to “not getting it” over and over throughout the day can make a person feel exhausted, like he’s a battered ping pong ball.If it would be possible for him to be given a “preview” of the new material before it is presented to the class, that might allow him to feel more confident. It wouldn’t be “new material” if he had seen it already. I hope you will be able to get the school to come up with SOME way to help him learn at a speed that is comfortable for him. Pushing him too hard obviously causes him to shut down. Good luck to both of you. JJ: My son is an above average student in 3rd grade. He is a gifted
: student in the non-verbal area. He is a perfectionist and gets
: easily frustrated when learning new topics in math. He can lose
: his temper and if a concept is difficult for him to understand, he
: threatens to tear up his paper. His teacher encourages him to
: write a note to her when he feels frustrated if she isn’t able to
: handle the situation at the time. I work in his school and it
: helps him to receive reassurance from me. My husband and I have
: explained to him many times that we don’t expect him to be
: perfect, and that it is ok to mess up. A couple of times he has
: brought homework home and has blown up at me without letting me
: explain things to him. I’m a special ed. teacher. Once he has
: chances to practice the skill he can catch on. He isn’t patient at
: all and expects to learn things immediately and perfectly the
: first time. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!
: My son is an above average student in 3rd grade. He is a gifted
: student in the non-verbal area. He is a perfectionist and gets
: easily frustrated when learning new topics in math. He can lose
: his temper and if a concept is difficult for him to understand, he
: threatens to tear up his paper. His teacher encourages him to
: write a note to her when he feels frustrated if she isn’t able to
: handle the situation at the time. I work in his school and it
: helps him to receive reassurance from me. My husband and I have
: explained to him many times that we don’t expect him to be
: perfect, and that it is ok to mess up. A couple of times he has
: brought homework home and has blown up at me without letting me
: explain things to him. I’m a special ed. teacher. Once he has
: chances to practice the skill he can catch on. He isn’t patient at
: all and expects to learn things immediately and perfectly the
: first time. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!First of all, low frustration levels and perfectionism go hand in hand with giftedness. Since so many things come easily to gifted kids, they have to learn how to handle the emotional parts of hitting a point where they have to struggle. So often, feelings of self-worth are tied directly into the perfectionism…a fear of not being considered “special” anymore if a crack happens to appear by having to work to master a concept. Modeling how to handle periods of struggle can be a useful way to help him learn the emotional skill of handling stress. It also is useful to surround your son with similarly gifted kids, some of whom are even brighter and more talented than he is to help him realize that he will not always be the top dog in any given situation. The earlier this reality can be learned, the better. No matter how bright you are, there is always going to be someone out there who is even smarter or more accomplished than yourself. I think this is a maturation issue. Gifted kids often have huge gaps between social, emotional, and academic development. Enough telling you truths you already know: on to a suggestion.Does he ever observe you working at a task that is at or above your frustration level? If he never sees you working to master a difficult task, he may believe that you never have to struggle to master anything, either. He may be comparing his need to struggle on a task to his observations of you. Perhaps you could find an area in which HE is the expert to teach you how to do something challenging that you don’t know much about to help build his confidence. (Pokemon game, Skateboarding, rollerblading, etc. etc.) Let him see that there are areas in which you have to struggle and be patient about, too. Perhaps he feels that he has to live up to an imaginary, artificially high standard in order to please you, so there is too much emotion at stake. Perhaps the fact that you ARE a special ed teacher (ie, expert) is the very reason he feels there is so much at stake in learning things perfectly, the first time. He may fear that by showing a weakness, he may risk losing his “gifted” status. He may not actually want you to jump in and offer advice all the time. Have you considered getting a third, emotionally neutral party as a resource for him to turn to when he needs a boost?Those were just some thoughts that occurred to me while reading your post.