My school asked me today to consider holding back my Thirdgrader. He is ADHD and on Vyvanse. He is in a Catholic school, known for high academic demands. This year he was struggling so we got an hour tutoring each day to help him stay on track.
I do not disagree that he will be better off with another year, even though because of his birthday he is about the oldest in the class allready.
I am curious if anyone else has had their child held back in third grade and how he/she dealt with it in regards to acclaimating to the new class. Did you switch to another school to hold back? Did you stay with the same school?
If you were asked to hold back and chose not to, how did it go for your child? Any reccomendations woudl be welcome.
I am freaking out just now!
THanks, MommyLinda
Re: Holding Back a Third Grader???
Linda, the question is whether the cause of his struggling is a developmental delay, where the timeline for the brains development varies between children. So that ‘holding back’ can be helpful when this is the ‘only’ problem.
But more often, their is some underlying issue that is the cause of the ‘struggling’?
In which case, holding back for a year, won’t address the underlying difficulty?
Where it will also impact on his self-esteem, having been held back, but still struggling?
A major problem, is that it is an easy option for a school, to simply hold a child back, rather than put in the effort to identify and address a childs difficulties.
So that the school really needs to explain how they concluded that holding him will help?
Re: Holding Back a Third Grader???
I held back my then fourth grader and it was the best decision we ever made. He is now in 11th grade in a college prep Catholic high school and doing very well. He transferred in grade 4 to a Catholic school which was ahead of the public school.
I have a friend who held back her 3rd grader who seems more similar to yours (ADHD—my son is primarily LD). Again she said it was the best thing she ever had done. He did stay in the same school BUT it was a very large school—six or seven classes per grade.
Personally, despite my success, I would hesitate to hold a child back in a Catholic school. They tend to be close knit smaller schools where everyone knows everyone and it would be hard to not have everyone know he was held back.
I would take the school’s suggestion as an indication that they do not feel he is doing well there and something has to change. Could he be LD, in addition to ADHD? Have you had him tested? Many Catholic schools are willing to accommodate if it is clear what the issues are.
My son benefited from repeating a grade both because he was able to use the time to remediate his deficiencies and because he was immature for his age. He is in the right grade for his maturity.
It’s a bad idea to hold back a child in any grade. Especially when it is a child with some form of LD. Here are some of the reasons why. Perhaps the 2 most important ones:
1. It seems to him like he is trying himself into the ground. He probably can not try any harder than he already is. So, you are penalizing him for doing his best by not letting him travel on with his peers. You are humiliating him.
2. What does putting him through the same nonsense he already did poorly in actually accomplish if he is getting the exact same delivery a second time around taught in the exact same way? Obviously if he didn’t get it in the way it was provided to him the first time round it stands to reason the second time round with the same methodology is not likely to get you anywhere at all.
3. For students with LD school in itself is usually a form of torture pretty much equal in horribleness to being waterboarded. Putting him through that for an extra year is not going to please him. It is not going to acheive any goals at all. It is only going to hurt him more.
However, If they can cater to his learning style and provide an alternative method of getting him the information he needs to know next time around, staying back could be hugely beneficial. But if they don’t have a pretty long list of things they will do differently with him this time to meet his learning needs if it were my kid, I would look for teachers less trained in Jesus loves me and more trained in providing information to students with LD. Not all teachers are qualified or even know how to teach to LD students. So find out if his teacher is. Find out how they will do it differently before you decide what to do.
But if it were my kid, well it would never be my kid. Because i would cut my own head off and eat it before a child of mine ever attended a religious school that likely teaches them that evolution is a lie. But that is just me, but if it were my kid, I would not hold them back in the same school. I would look for an alternative program specifically geared towards meeting his LD needs.