Well, had my meeting today, but it wasn’t an IEP meeting, it was just a meeting with the prinicpal, science teacher and LD teacher. They said the meeting was to discuss problems and find solutions. I’m embarrassed to say…..I let it happen. When I get to these meetings and feel overwhelmed with all of them, against me…I just sort of freeze. But anyway, supposedly, we are going to try by giving my son 20 definitions per chapter that he will be responsible for. These will be given to him at the beginning of each new chapter. The science teacher said she would just give them to the LD teacher and he could take care of it, because “she can’t seem to do anything right”
Of course I heard the usual things, he doesn’t try, he’s lazy, and today we added a new one….he knows he doesn’t have to do anything because you’ll (me) always come in here and take up for him. So, now I guess it’s my fault that he doesn’t do anything, that’s why we spend the entire evening on homework, because I encourage him to be lazy. My response to this was, no he doesn’t appear to be trying as hard as I would like, but I think he is overwhelmed, if he could just see a little success for his efforts I think it would help. The science teacher said he “sleeps in her class”. Well, when he got home, we had a talk, I told him everything they said. He said he isn’t sleeping, but he does lay his head down on his desk, because if he doesn’t, she yells at him for not paying attention, for turning around in his seat, for letting his leg come outside his desk. So, I told him, you can’t lay your head down, just sit in your chair and don’t move (sort of hard to do for an ADD kid) I’m hoping this new method of only being responsible for 20 definitions per chapter will help. I will have to say the principal did speak up in our defense today, when we decided on this method, the science teacher said, well after I give him those 20 definitions he has to know, is he just going to sit there through the rest of the chapter and do nothing. The prinicpal did say no….you space the 20 out throughout the chapter and then he will have an interest the whole chapter, that’s when she decided to just let the LD teacher pick the definitions, you know, since she can’t do anything right. Well, I agree with her on that one.
So, I’m going to let it go this way for awhile, to see if it helps, but when I have my “real IEP meeting”, I”m putting this request in here.
I’m starting to feel like maybe it is my fault, but where would he be if I didn’t go defend him and try to find a learning style that fits his needs. He doesn’t respect this teacher, and I can’t blame him, you don’t just automatically get respect because you’re a teacher, you have to earn it, and she has to respect him too, and she doesn’t. Oh yeah and the science teacher also told me he likes to have fun and goof around, and the principal did say, well he is 13 and a boy, and he is very popular with his peers. And, you know what I say. YIPEEEEE. At least they haven’t found a way to take that away from him.
I’m really embarrassed that I get on here and rant and rave, and then I end up leaving a meeting like a meek little mouse. But, we’ll see if this accomplished anything.
Thanks for listening and thanks for all the suggestion, just wish I would have had the backbone to be a little more assertive today.
So, the end result is…..now my son and I both have a headache right now.
Re: I had my "not an IEP meeting" today
Kathy,
It sounds like it went well to me. Obviously the principal sees that the teacher is an idiot but he/she can’t do anything about it because the teacher probably has tenure and a teacher’s union behind her. It was just great that you didn’t have to say a lot…the teacher showed the principal what the real problem is! How stupid to suggest that he’d do the first 20 definitions and then not have anything else to go. Unbelievable!
Choosing 20 definitions sounds fairly reasonable, but good grief, how many would they normally have??? There are just some rotten teachers who really dislike children and they shouldn’t be teaching. Some teachers only like the gifted kids and make all the others miserable. I have a feeling your son wouldn’t win in this class no matter what. Just pray that the end of the school year will come fast!!!
Janis
Re: I had my "not an IEP meeting" today
YOu did fine — yes, it would be *great* if your son would play the game and act like Super Student … but there are an awful lot of influences on that behavior, and you’re only one of ‘em. If you could spin it just right, there’s a corny article in the “KidZone” section here (last box on the upper right) about ten ways to “Fool” teachers… stuff like going in and sitting up in class and acting alert… one week of that stuff and the teacher would think *she* was nuts!! (Hmmm… a dare? Does he want an acting career? Can he imititate a prepif that’s what you call ‘em where you are? Or someone in ROTC?)
Actually you did great by refraining from saying “would you like some cheese with that whine?” when the teacher went into her “I can’t seem to do anything right” whimpering. IT’s better to be “not assertive” sometimes := )
Get those definitions. We can figure out ways for him to know more about ‘em than she does.
Re: I had my "not an IEP meeting" today
As the other folks said, I think, considering the circumstances, you did fine. I would have had a hard time biting my tongue and not telling her she was correct when she said she couldn’t do anything right! (and how does that feel to her, when she does that to your son every day)
But YOU did the right thing by NOT stooping to that level, keeping your temper, and letting the principal defend your son. When we were having all the trouble with Robbie’s teacher in the fall, I found it very validating that neither the SPED director nor the Principal argued with a single point I made. They sat there and said “You’re right”. The problem was that the teacher could NOT change… it wasn’t in her.
For us, changing to a different classroom was the right answer. It sounds like that hasn’t been an option for you, and it’s getting awfully late in the year now anyway.
What I did finally do before we switched classes was something that I hated doing on principle, but helped my son immensely at the time. I finally told him exactly what I thought of the teacher, and joined him in ragging on her during homework time. I made it very clear that these conversations were to remain at home, or he’d get us both in trouble. I also did tell him that although it certainly wasn’t his fault that this teacher was doing such a poor job, that I thought that she was doing what she thought was right, misguided though it was.
We did a lot of talking about teaching styles, and that teachers were people too, and made mistakes… sometimes big ones. I turned it around to an “us against her” point of view, and walked about the fact that part of “winning” this game, was holding the higher moral ground. That meant that he had to help me by being EXTREMELY polite in class, and doing his best work in spite of her. I think knowing that he had not only me, but the SPED teacher and the principal on his side really helped him hold it together until we could get him out of that class.
And I haven’t seen any sign that us turning the situation with this teacher into a joke has affected his opinion of teachers in general. He understands that this was a problem with one particular person, not teachers or school in general. He loves his new teaching team, they give him rave reviews, and he’s happy and learning again.
I’d love to see this teacher disappear after this school year, but only time will tell. My younger son is scared to death that he’ll get this teacher in 5th grade. I laughed and told him, that after what she went through with my older son, there’s not a snowball’s chance in h**l that she’d want another “Randall kid” in her classroom anyway. I don’t think he has to worry about it!
Karen
Re: I had my "not an IEP meeting" today
I know exactly how you feel when you go to these “not an IEP meeting”. They are VERY frustrating. I have found that the more people that I can get to come to these meetings the better off that I am. These people are professional people who deal with children with learning disabilities. I am from from Missouri and we have a place called Central Missouri Regional Services. They are there to advocate for you and your child and to make sure that the schools and such are doing all they need to do to make sure that your child is getting all the services and help that he can. If you want any more ideas please e-mail me.
Re: I had my "not an IEP meeting" today
Hey Kathy,
Meek? Not hardly. All above are correct the principal now can see the problem a lot more clearly,without you saying a word. Besides, this wasn’t an IEP. Gotta save your strength.
Re: I had my "not an IEP meeting" today
Good Job Kathy! I agree with all the other posts. Some teachers (even 1) can break you sometimes and I think just by showing up & questioning “the professional” shows you have great courage and strength. Your son sees you going to all these meetings on his behalf - I’m sure its important to him - He knows you care, and He knows its “not all him”.
I have also tried to rectify a “bad teacher” situation in the past, and am in the process of making sure my son does not get the same math teacher he has this year, next year. Its near impossible to teach the teacher if their minds are made up. You did really well!!
Thanks
Thanks for the moral support. I forgot to mention another thing the teacher said, which I think showed she’s just there to get a pay check. When I questioned the homework assingments, I told her I thought I was reasonably intellegent (you couldn’t tell it by my spelling though) and there were some assingments I can’t even do. She said well the test book is hard, and I don’t make those worksheets or tests up, they’re in the book. Wouldn’t a concerned teacher who knew it was difficult, make her own worksheets and tests, if it meant helping the students? I don’t just mean for my son, the whole class, the whole class (even non-LD students) are doing poorly.
By the way, I did have a talk with my son when I came home, he said he isn’t sleeping, he’s just putting his head down, because if you don’t she yells at you for not looking at her. Geez! Last time I checked you don’t hear with your ears. Anyway, I said if you want me to fight so that you can play football, with or without the grades, you have to “act” like you’re making an effort. I’m not sure that not putting his head down will help, but it will make her feel better, so I told him he wasn’t allowed to put his head down. The next night, I said did you lay your head down today, he said no, I started to when I was copying from the board, but I remembered and put it back up. So maybe, that’s progress. Thanks again everyone
Re: Thanks
I have had that problem also. It took me a while but I have done my research and as I said I go with every possible support that I can. By law the teachers are suppose to modify homework and test to the ability of the student. is she doing that? If not then that needs to be addressed.
Re: Thanks
I have had that problem also. It took me a while but I have done my research and as I said I go with every possible support that I can. By law the teachers are suppose to modify homework and test to the ability of the student. is she doing that? If not then that needs to be addressed.
“she can’t seem to do anything right”
Old ploy used by incompetent teachers. The one my son had in 6th, who didn’t know he was dyslexic after teaching him for 6 months, said she felt like she was being ganged up on when her methods were questioned. Luckily, the administration knows this ploy too, because she found employment elsewhere, the very next school year. What a coinkydink. (I guess it helped my pointing out all those questionable “methods”.)
Don’t feel bad…fighting all the time is useless and draining. This teacher is the pits and your son is growing up and less is tolerated. He does need to observe certain requirements.
As he’s learning them, he can be rewarded…like 5 days of sitting up in class = 1 video game rental. Or, for each day of getting by in her class, extra $.50 allowance, plus a video game rental for every 5 in a row.
The principal was supportive somewhat…for this, be thankful. Believe me, in a couple years after you’ve learned the ropes, you won’t be meek. You’ll be plain spoken and to the point.
You did good Kathytoo.