Getting child to attend school

First thing is, don’t relie on teachers to make the best judgement for your child. Have him read something he wants to read and he will like to read it more then being forst into it. I have a 6th grade readding level to and I just finished the E.M.T. book because I like to read that kind of stuff. As far as his aditude, each student is difrent so each one needs to get treated difrent. If the teacher starte giving his truble again be a bit** and make the teacher listen to you to help him out.
I wrote a story about what it’s like to grow up with A.D.D. and L.D. to help people like you with questions that Dr’s. and people with P.H.D.’s just can’t ansaw becuase they don’t have it. I sent it to CHADD but because I’m not a Dr. they don’t want anything to do with it. DON’T EVER GIVE UP
mike

Thank you so much for your reply. Today I plan to talk with his teacher to tell her not to punish him by having him write a sentence 40 times. He has extreme anxiety with writing. The teacher is reprimanding him the same as she does the whole class and not recognizing him as an individual with his unique areas of hardships. This is just so frustrating since my husband and I spoke with her in length on two occassions about all of Alex’s problems and the best way to treat him so he can be successful in attending school. Its just so wearing on me to have to continually battle with the teachers. I know my son is worth the battle but it can wear on me and become very discouraging. Thanks again for the support. Also, where can I find your book?

If you’ve read my posts you know that my loyalties lie with 1st the kids 2nd the parents and generally I view the school as the enemy. In this case the teacher is 100% right. You gotta lay the smack down on your kid. He’s playing you. Sounds like he has a flair for the dramatic.Unless there is somethig under the surface, he’s being a brat and acting like a baby. A little tough love is needed. Otherwise you are gonna keep getting played. March his ass in school and have him apologize to all involved especially the person he struck. He’ too old to coddle. This is a critical age for boys. He may be entering puberty and when my boy was 12 he acted like he had PMS. I told him to suck it up and to stop acting like a pussy. He needed to be told who was boss. Sounds like dad needs to jack his ass. If there is no dad available find him a male role model like a coach or a karate teacher. He needs a lesson in self-control. You need to take charge and impose your will. this is a critical time.

This is a serious issue. As you attend CHADD, is it fair to ask if your son takes medication for his ADD/ADHD? Medication is supposed ADD/ADHD children with their issues including their difficulty with transitions but it doesn’t sound as if your son is getting the kind of help from his medication that he should be. Assuming a child with this serious a level of ADD/ADHD does take medication, his might need to be seriously readjusted or even switched altogether.

What about homeschooling for this child? At some point, I’d be suggesting to the district that a home tutor be provided. I have never been a fan of carrying screaming, kicking children into school and a counselor who would do this baffles me.

something is wrong here. If a school is doing their job with this child, with each passing year it should improve. A school should see this child needs to feel safe and to work to help him feel safe. That should be top priority. Of course, how any child can feel safe when they are carried kicking and screaming into school is a good question. Clearly though despite that something was going well for a while.

The teacher’s remark to you about ‘not being fair to the other children’ is unenlightened. It can’t be the same rule for every child. Your child has a very different set of needs than his classmates. It can’t be business as usual around your son. Did the teacher speak to him directly about the math work? She needs to do that. She needs to explain to him directly why she gave him the 6th grade math work and apologize to him for upsetting him. He needs to hear that from her to feel safe again in her classroom.

And then they punished him with sentence writing??????? With that I’d suggest you pull your son from the school. Sentence writing as punishment is Dark Ages thinking. No modern recommendation suggests that sentence writing is appropriate to use as punishment.

Therapy can’t help with this. The school needs the therapy. Your son sounds like a remarkably bright and sensitive young man to me and I would seriously consider home schooling for him unless some greater help can be provided by his medication or his school.

my book is not published yet, I’m not a dr. and noone is willing to listen to what I have to say about A.D.D. or L.D. If you give me your e-mail I’ll send you what I wrote and hope it helps. I can tail you that the worst thing any teacher ever did was to say to my parents was I’ll never be anyone. Big mistake on her part. When I get as big as Stephen King or close to it I’ll pay her a personal visit. A far as the teacher goes, be a bit** and get in his/her face and let them know who you are and if that doesn’t work let them know you will speak to your loyier. That will make them think more.

I’ve had hassles both as a parent and a teacher, so I try to look at things from both sides. As a parent of course you’re distressed and no, this situation cannot continue.
Now look at it from the teacher’s side. Put yourself in her position. She has a large group of kids — 25? — to manage. She has a bureaucratic system of school laws and regulations and curriculum and principal’s memos that she has to try to work under. She is responsible for seeing that every child performs to the best possible level. While your child is kicking and screaming, the other kids in the class are certainly not working and learning. And any day that starts with viewing a scene like that is not going to be a good day for the other kids in the class. Many are very fearful and think that they will be dragged in or out too. Some look on *any* disciplinary actions as negative (their parents never say no to them and tell them nobody should) and class the teacher as a witch from then on. So the teacher starts off every day with a bunch of tense, hyper, frightened kids with a negative attitude. Others have their own problems and are looking for an excuse to disrupt the class, and she has to deal with those too. Then she does he best academically. She made a mistake, but it was certainly a mistake in a positive direction; she saw that your son is intelligent and capable and she tried to motivate him by giving him some work that would use his intelligence at a high level. OK, so it didn’t work out, but far better that than warehousing him in a remedial class counting on their fingers, right? And as far as writing lines for punishment, I have been *ordered* by several principals to do exactly that; whether or not it’s outdated, ineffective, inappropriate, or anything else, that’s what your boss tells you to do and you can do it or get fired (I’m not teaching in public schools any more, by the way.) In many schools, since corporal punishment is absolutely out and detentions are impossible with buses and teachers get fired for sending students to the principal, writing lines or worse yet giving math as a punishment (bad message!) is the only discipline option left for the teacher. I am absolutely positive that this is not the situation your teacher wants in her class and she would be even happier than you to find a solution; you only have to deal with the fight an hour a day, but she has it with a large group of kids for six hours.

Personally I can’t deal with token systems — I have my own LD’s that show up in the organizational area — but if you can, this may be a helpful approach. Some people swear by them.
Homeschooling is a real option BUT only if your child doesn’t continue the negativity at home. After some time off, such as summer vacation, is he able to work with you on tutoring? If so, homeschooling can work; if not, you’re trading one fight for another.
Is he getting medication and if so, is it working? Some medication can *increase* nervousness and aggressiveness and make the poor kid suffer even more. If he is on medication from the sound of it the treatment is not helping, so I would certainly consider tapering it off (it is apparently bad to stop all at once).
I am very, very cautious about over-medication and would consider all other options first. But some people do swear by medication and if you aren’t using it you may want to see if it could help.
One important thing is to make a decision and stick to it. I very frequently see people who think they are being very strict and organized with their children, but what they really mean is that the kids have to whine for an extra-long time and extra-loud and be even ruder; the parents do cave in, and this trains extra-bratty children. If you say no, you have to stick to it, and if you say he’s going to school (failing real illness, of course) you have to stick to that. Usually the screaming and fighting will taper off. I am assuming that this is the expectation of the counsellor. If in your child’s previoius school he was able to manipulate the system and get out of things by screaming, then he’s had four or five years of training that screaming works. Your present counsellor may be trying to get him to unlearn that habit. And unlearning a habit is a long hard job. If it doesn’t taper off, then there is an underlying problem that needs to be addressed, by medication or reward systems or counselling or some combination.

Dear Lisa,

I am a Special Education teacher that teaches children with learning disabilities and emotional disabilities. I have dealt with this type of behavior often. First, I have a few questions; 1. Has your child ever been left anywhere? 2. Has your child recently experienced a death or the loss of a loved one? 3. Has your child ever gotten out of doing anything by pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum? I ask these questions because a child can develop a fear of being left by his parent or a loved one.

The move might be a contributing factor to his tantrums. You might want to encourage or even set up a play date with several of your child’s classmates. This might help alleviate some of his fears about school. It would also be beneficial if Alex, his teachers and yourself sit down at a neutral place and discuss and brainstorm about Alex’s fears about school and how to get rid of these fears. Encourage your son to be a part of his educational career. Sometimes children are anxious about things because they feel that they do not have any control.

You need to have a plan and use it at home and at school. Your child needs structure, but do not continually keep presenting him with the same work ever day or this can become a power struggle. Start out very small and praise your son often for the things that he accomplishes. Develop a behavior plan with your child. Have something that your child loves and have him work towards this goal. Start out very small, and then gradually increase the amount of work that he needs to complete to receive a reward. Hopefully this will work. Behavior modification can work wonders with children when used appropriately and consistently.

Having your child evaluated by his pediatrician is also an option. I have seen children with the same type of problems make wonderful progress once they were properly diagnosed and put on medication when required. Don’t give up! Keep searching for answers! I hope that these suggestions will help you and your child.

Kim Frankovich

Author: Sue

I”m a student studying Special Education and have done research on ADD/ADHD. I also did a family interview with a mother whose husband and two of her four children were diagnosed with ADHD. Her husband and daughter were on medication, but her ten year old son was not. She shared alot of her experiences and gave me a book How to Reach and Teach ADD/ADHD Children by Sandra F. Rief. Her sons teacher recommended it to her. It provides practical guidance on how to teach students organization and study skills,preventing behavioral problems, and also interviews with children and adults with ADHD. I think you might find this useful in helping your son with his school work. As a mother too, be firm and stress the importance of attending school and go and spend the day with him if you have to !