Ive have spent hours reading through these forums. There is some excellent contant and wonderful resources here. However, I am alittle concerned that we as parents are putting too much weight on our kids to be the best WE think they can be or pouring our children into some mold of what they should be according to the norm. When we do this we lose touch of who are children truely are. We need to concentrate on their assests, even if they appear small.Today our world is in need of good friends, good mothers,loving people, artists and musicians…creative kids..etc. Not all kids can and will excell in acedemics. That does not necessarily mean they are LD. It might mean they are peace makers. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? You can give , you can direct, and you can teach, but your child knows WHY they are here. We need them be who they are. I have 4 kids. All so different,intellectually,physically, socially,and economically. I lead..I didn’t direct. They choose. I think as a mom, looking at my kids, they are all successful because they are doing what they love. They are happy. We need to let go of the reins alittle and let kids steer. Perhaps we can learn more from them. Perhaps as parents we are LD!
Re: more stress is not best
In regards to what you stated…if it were not for your intervention, your child would not be here? You saved your child? My ideology is perhaps, if you sit back and observe your child you might be the one that saved.
Re: more stress is not best
My daughter would have killed herself had we not intervened. The stress and self-loathing were such that she constantly talked about wanting to die. Not for attention but to get away from the pain. I don’t know what you kids were like or what issues they had and you can’t know what mine was like with my children. Lets just agree to disagree. :)
Re: more stress is not best
I actually think you raise an interesting issue: at what point do we accept our children for who their are and what they been given versus trying to help them improve their skill set.
My son is 13 and now a solid B student. When he was in first grade, he did not learn to read, write, or do math. When it was clear the school was not going to adequately intervene (he was already in special ed for most of the day), I took charge. I have spent a lot of time and money working with him and having other work with him.
If I had not intervened, he would be in a self contained special education classroom. I think that would have been a shame, given the success he has enjoyed. He has friends. He plays sports at school ( it is a small school). He is moving up the ranks with boy scouts. He came home the other day and told me he was the only one in his class who got a 100 on a science test. He is studious and hard working—years of therapy have given him a strong work ethic.
At the same time, he has made me a much better person. I come from a highly educated family and have a Phd myself. I have always valued intelligence. Having a child with serious learning disabilities has taught me much about valuing the whole person and not just their intellect. I find it opens many doors with people. I am open about my son’s profile and find that many people have children who struggle and feel out of sync with the success oriented culture we live in.
I think the latter is what you are referring to. I don’t think attempting to remediate a child’s defiencies is necessarily in conflict with valuing the things they are uniquely. I also think it is easy to romaticize how wonderful it is to be different.
Beth
While I understand what you are saying, I have to respectfully disagree. If it were not for my efforts to help my daughter to be able to even function in the world, she would not be here. I have given her the ability to stand up for herself and others with disabilities, to be able to clearly state her needs, and to be ABLE to direct her education. Without those skills she would be wandering lost in the maze of her difficulties. Yes, we DO need to focus on their strengths but we also need to strengthen the weak areas. Yes, we do need to “listen” to our kids but also be able to guide them in areas they don’t understand. I don’t think any parent on this board wants our kids to be the “best”, we just want them to be able to be happy with themselves, functional, and successful. My daughter has many issues that can get in her way but she has been triumphant in her successes and will continue to be an inspiration to me and others.