Help Needed with 13 YO DD

I’m a newbie. I don’t know where to turn, or even where to begin. My now 13 year old daughter has always been a bright kid and has done well in school, but it has always been a struggle.

Before she even started school, she would give up easily on tasks that were difficult for her. She would get frustrated, cry, and refuse to keep trying.

When I tried playing Chutes and Ladders with her one day, she absolutely could not follow the numbers on the board and understand which way to move her playing piece.

In kindergarten and first grade, learning to read was a huge emotional ordeal for both of us. The “15-minute” reading assignments would take us 1-2 hours to get through, with lots of tears and frustration, but she eventually learned.

Our biggest struggle has been math. She is very bright, but does not seem to retain anything regarding math. Every night for the past several years, I have to re-teach her math assignment in order for her to complete her homework. She understands pretty well when I teach the lesson and completes the assignment, but if she has another assignment on the exact same thing the following day, she is completely lost again. She still does not know her basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division facts. We have studied these and tried to commit them to memory using many techniques over many years.

In 4th grade, I talked to our pediatrician about ADD/ADHD. He gave me some questionnaires for her teacher and I to fill out. My questionnaire indicated a strong likelihood for ADD, but the teacher’s did not. The ped suggested a trial of medication, but my DH is a chiropractor and is not receptive to the idea.

My daughter is a hard worker and usually spends around 2 hours per night on math. She gets distracted very easily and is disorganized with her school work. If I do not stay with her, she gives up and doodles. She is a phenomenal doodler from years of practice.

Her teachers tell me she stares at them in class but does not take notes and does not participate. She tells me she is still trying to process the first thing the teacher said, and misses the middle, and is lost by the end. She claims she does not have time to write down her assignments or organize her papers in school.

She has always been an A and B student, but in order to achieve this, her effort level has had to be extraordinary. Because of her inattentive posture in class, her teachers do not see the great effort she is making and often criticize her for not working to her potential.

At home, I see another side of the picture: a student who is struggling and trying hard, who is bright but feels stupid because everything is a struggle. She makes several lists a day trying to keep track of the details of her life. Her lists are extremely detailed, for example, her list for getting ready for school might have 20 steps and her estimated timeframe for each one.

Now she is in 8th grade, and is in NJHS and the accelerated math (Algebra). She is failing Science, and has received failing grades on individual tests in Algebra and History. Her self-esteem is falling, and her frustration level is soaring. I have seen some signs of the beginning of depression setting in.

I do not know where to turn or what to do. Our financial situation is really tough right now with 4 other kids and significant loss of income over the past year. I cannot afford to spend hundreds of dollars on tests. What does this sound like to you? I know you are not doctors, but I’m hoping another parent can give me some insight.